Sounds simple right, but not always easy to do. Michelle emphasizes many of the basics and reminds us of the critical role we play in our children’s lives, the development of who they are and will become, and their ultimate success not only in school but in life. And she comes at this from the unique vantage point of an experienced school counselor who has observed and worked with children in one of their primary settings – school.
Michelle begins by reaffirming for us that as parents, we are the most powerful influence in our child’s life. This is a responsibility that cannot be taken lightly and it’s important that we recognize that it does take a considerable amount of time and energy – as it should. For many of us in today’s world, with the hectic pace, multiple jobs, commuting, endless activities and commitments, just making time is a big responsibility but it is absolutely critical. Our children see the world through our eyes, at least for a time, and so we have the opportunity to help them experience a world in which they learn how to trust, feel safe, secure and good about themselves and others – in general optimistic about life and the possibilities it holds for them.
Michelle emphasizes the importance of inculcating trust in your child at a young age. By being present with them, both physically and emotionally, being consistent with our own behavior, by being available to them when they require help, comfort or safety and by giving them validation through positive feedback and recognition, they learn to trust that others around them can be relied on and can be sought out for help when they need it.
We are their introduction to the world, so by instilling confidence in them, by being in good relationships with them, we give them the skills and confidence to reach out to others and be in healthy relationships. Without that foundation of trust, kids learn early on that they world is an uncaring and unsafe place, they don’t seek the support of others such as teachers that could support them in reaching their goals, and they have more difficulty in forming friendships and intimate relationships as they get older.
Another key area that Michelle touches on in her first Lesson is the importance of parents remembering that they are the parents, and that the children are the children. In a day when divorce and separation are so prevalent, not to mention parents who work long hours and don’t have as much time with their children as they would like, we are also seeing an upswing in parental guilt and overcompensation, resulting in great numbers of parents relinquishing their parental roles in lieu of having more of a friend role with their children. This creates a great deal of confusion and a sense of being lost for children as the adults are no longer in charge and are often taking their cues from the children. Although the child may appear to like this arrangement for what it can offer them in the short term, below the surface, they are needing and craving the structure and the reassurance that someone else is in charge, taking care of things and making sure they are safe. Allowing our children to be the children, requires us to set the limits, expectations, boundaries, and consequences, all of which convey to them a sense of security and takes the pressure off of them for being emotionally mature beyond their years.
I think for many families today who are either separated, divorced, remarried and blended or even just going through a tough time at home for any number of reasons, it is important that we remind ourselves continuously that our children are not mature enough to handle adult problems. To the extent we can, we need to find ways of shielding them from the issues that we can shield them from. It is not unusual for parents who are going through a particularly tough time, to lean on or confide in their child when it would be more appropriate to find another adult, friend or counselor w
Rating: User: StepParenting 2008-06-24T21:38:30.27Z
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